Seeking God can feel like pulling teeth...

Please don't read this if you are used to the usual shallowness of my blog....

4 years ago I announced to the youth group at Avonhead Baptist that I felt it was time for me to leave.... It was a very hard decision because i genuinley loved working with these guys, but felt i had little more to offer -I'd done my dash in youth ministry. I've been in my current role for 3 years now, and realise that I have really done my dash in youth ministry, but what is more i really miss pastoral ministr, getting alongside people seeing them grow, working throught their struggles with them it is a real privelidge.
So for the last year i have been looking at moving back into pastoral ministry, however i seem to be at war with God on this, becuase every positive step I take seems to hit a wall. earlier in the year I was offered a pastorate at a Church in Auckland, they were a great bunch of people and it was a place where i could have really made a difference, but the thought of moving back to Auckland made me feel quite ill, my son cried a lot about the thought of going back there. Regretably then I had to say no I cannot except.
A month later I was asked if I could put my name forward for another church - this time in Wellington, in a part of wellington that we love. I though this must be God.... It took the church about 5 miuntes to realise that I was the wrong person for them....
Following that I decided I was not going to look any further, if a church wanted me then they would have to find me... That lasted about 5 months.
Over the course of that period i had about 30 different people say to me, "why aren't I pastoring a church?" On top of that several people suggested i should apply for a vacant church, - Church XXXXXX a church that i had wanted to go to for almost 9 years now... I resisited and then thought why not, got the job description passed it on to people i knew who read it and said"this has your name written all over it..."
Well yesterday i just found out that despite the fact i had a very impressive CV, ministry track record and great refferences i was not the person they were looking for.

This leaves me in a dilema do I carry on following the stream of God's purpose for my life? despite the fact it feels like the stream has ran into a swamp, and there is no way out. Do I continue to lie in the gutter but look to the stars? Do i grit my teeth and carry on? - or do i just forget the whole thing and do something totaly unrelated???

answers on a txt message please to 0800 get a life